I255 days ago our daughter Abigail was born. 248 days ago she went to be with Jesus. We have had trials, we have lost many people, but we never knew there was pain that could cut so incredibly deep. I am usually a pretty private person but have been convicted to share not only her story but our walk of grief. Some days it is completely crippling - we want to be with our baby so bad. Somedays we can smile at the happy moments we were blessed to have with her. Every day, we have to intentionally set our eyes on Jesus. There is no way we could make it through this pain without Him.

Yesterday was a milestone. I did not realize what it was until early evening last night but all day I had a subtle smile and an unexplainable joy. I was happy. It was the first day since my baby was promoted to glory that I was actually happy. The depth of gratitude to the Lord is deeper than the pain. He is so faithful. But grief comes as unpredictable waves that hit you when you least expect it.
After devotions and prayer last night, one of my boys began to bitterly wept. Bitterly. He cried out for his siter over and over again. His pain was so deep. Tim and I felt it and, as his parents, it is a whole different part of the grieving process to see your children in such pain. But the Lord in His faithfulness prepared us – we all wept with him. It is healing to let it out - but we cannot stay in that place. We all intentionally began sharing about the ways the Lord has carried us through, the promises that are ahead, the comfort He provides that is ever present.

I recently had coffee with another mom in a similar situation. We discussed our search to find how joy and grief can coexist because the truth is the pain will never leave. Years from now we will weep as though it just happened. But I am convinced now, they can coexist. Today, I woke up happy again. We will continue to be strengthened by the Lord because we intentionally choose to be. He is always faithful, but we must choose Him. So today and every day to come, do that – choose Him, Jesus.  

With love,
​Laura

​Hi there, I feel it important to share with you what has been going on for the last 6 months. This is so you can better understand the pause in blogs, break from working, and what God has been doing in my family. So, heads-up, this blog is more of an update.
 
As many of you know, I found out this past January that I was pregnant. Our family was so excited! My husband and 3 kids had been talking about how badly they wanted a new addition – and finally it was a reality!  All of their reactions to the news were priceless! They were completely overflowing with joy!
 
I have had 3 uneventful pregnancies in the past and did not expect there to be anything different with this one. I was terribly wrong. During the first trimester I was so sick and literally on the couch for 5 weeks unable to function. Finally, after the first trimester had passed, I started to get back to “normal” – still a little off but not uncommon for being pregnant.
 
Then, around 15-16 weeks, I started to have some odd symptoms. I spoke with my doctor and, although different than my last pregnancies, the symptoms were not alarming. At 17-18 weeks, I started to feel as though I could not hold my bladder. I had an ultrasound coming up at 19 weeks so my husband and I decided that if my symptoms got worse, we would go in early. Otherwise, we would wait for the scheduled appointment. Well, the night before the appointment I started spotting. I have never had spotting/bleeding with the first 3 pregnancies. Since the ultrasound was the next day, we decided we would discuss this with the doctor then.
 
On April 19th, we had the ultrasound. As soon as I saw our baby, I knew it was not good. There was NO fluid around our sweet baby! I started to cry. My husband tried his best to comfort me but was also in shock himself. Our doctor went on to explain that my membranes had ruptured (my water broke) and that was the leaking I had been experiencing. This is called Preterm Premature Rupture of Membranes (PPROM). This is a huge problem because the fluid is what aides in the development of the intestines, kidneys, and most importantly the lungs. Hypoplastic lungs are a common issue with babies who have experienced PPROM and is the number one cause of death. The fluid also provides room for the baby to move and a cushion for the cord.
 
We were given less than a 50/50 chance that our baby would survive. I was put on modified bedrest with a plan to be admitted to the hospital at 23 weeks – if we made it that far. At that point they would do their protocol consisting of steroid shots to try to mature our baby’s lungs, antibiotics due to the increased risk of infection, magnesium for brain protection, and tocolytics to stop/prolong labor. The goal was to stay pregnant until 34 weeks and at that point they would delivery baby via c-section.
 
Immediately, we began asking any and every one to pray for our baby. Our house church family got a meal train going and I did not break doctor’s orders. I stayed either in my bed or on the couch. My family and I prayed and prayed. This sweet baby was already having such a rough entrance into this world. Although they did not know why my water broke, I could not help but to feel as though I failed my baby. My body was supposed to protect and comfort this miracle for 9 months but it didn’t.
 
On May 5th we had an anatomy scan scheduled. In the beginning, we wanted the sex of our baby to be a surprise, but now we wanted to know so we could pray for our baby by name. Thankfully we were able to find out and we were having another girl – Abigail Grace Noel Churchman! We prayed for her constantly.
 
I would be 23 weeks on May 14th and on the 13th we packed our bags in preparation for a very long hospital stay. That night I woke up around 1:30am in terrible pain. The pain would not subside so my husband called the squad and let my doctor know what was going on. It was expected that I was experiencing a prolonged contraction and was possibly in active labor. As I was escorted out to the ambulance my other 3 children were terrified and my youngest crying.
 
That pain last for 30 minutes! By the time I reached the hospital it had finally subsided. Thankfully, I was not in active labor and there were no changes with my cervix. We started the protocol of steroids, antibiotics, magnesium, and tocolytics. Our goal was to stay pregnant until 34 weeks. On May 24th my mom and oldest son came to visit me. It was my husband’s first day back to work after Abigail and I finally stabilized and got out of the Intensive Care Unit (ICU). I got up to use the bathroom and knew something was not right. The nurse had just walked into my room and I told her I wanted to be put onto the monitor. We found Abigail’s heartbeat right away and it was rather high for her. Before we knew it she had a decel (where her heartrate dropped too low) and then we could not find it again. They called a code green and rushed me to the operating room. I remember the look of terror on my son’s face as they whisked me past him.
 
Once in the operating room they found her heartbeat but after doing a speculum exam realized there was a lot of blood and it was presumed my placenta was detaching from the wall of my uterus. Thankfully my husband was only working 6 minutes away and got to the hospital before they had to start the operation. They proceeded with the c-section – I was 24 weeks and 4 days. I was told Abigail’s APGAR scores were 1, 7, and 9 – that was excellent! I was also told that the procedure could not have gone any smoother. I praised God! This was such a scary experience; it was comforting knowing it had gone so well – better than any of the doctors expected it to go.
 
I will never forget getting to see my sweet baby for the first time. In the incubator and under all the tubes and wires, there was our precious little 15 ounce 10 ¼ inch miracle – our Abigail. I was immediately in love with her. But my heart was troubled because of her fragile state. We worked with the nurses to do cares (changing her diaper, temperature, etc) and my husband absolutely rocked it. He just jumped right in, even when I was scared to. And boy did she LOVE her daddy!  When he would do her care, he would just talk and talk to her. Her oxygen would jump up and she would kick her little legs in excitement. Despite all the odds being stacked against her she absolutely rocked the first 50 hours of her life.
 
However, things shifted after that. Her oxygen levels would not stay up and on Saturday, May 28th, I was called up to the NICU. The ventilation tube had shifted down and her left lung had collapsed. They were finally able to get the tube in the right place and her lung immediately reinflated. However, all the machines were at max levels but her oxygen saturation, which ideally should be in the 90% range, was in the 20’s-40’s. She remained this way for hours. We were devastated. They told my husband and I to call in our family to come meet her and asked us what life saving measures we would want to have preformed if her heart stopped. This was such a hard thing to think about and decide. She was so little and fragile. We were literally putting all of our hope and trust in the Lord knowing that He loved her more than we ever could and wanted what was best for her. The concern after having such low oxygen levels for so long was the strain it causes on the heart, slowing down and eventually stopping.
 
Abigail was not having that though. She was such a fighter. She kept on going for another 2 days. The next evening, I was able to hold her. I held her for four beautiful hours. I prayed over her. I told her how much I love her, how much Jesus loves her. I gently stroked her cheek. I sang worship songs to her. And I bitterly wept when I had to give her back. Then, on May 31st at 5:30 AM the NICU called our room and said “you need to get up here now”. I ran. It had happened. Her heart rate had dropped into the 30’s and it was not coming back up. They quickly rushed her into my arms for skin to skin. I held my sweet Abigail again. I kissed her. I told her again how much I love her and how much Jesus loves her. I told her it was ok, that as much as I wanted her here with us, that Jesus would take care of her until we could be together again. I held her and I wept. Long after her last breath, I held her and wept.
 
My husband and I have never felt such a deep pain in our lives. My heart breaks that my sweet baby is no longer here on this earth. My body grieves not being able to care for her, nurse her, and do all the other maternal instincts I had been prepped to do. A part of me is dead. I will never be the same. I am so completely torn to want to be with her in paradise but wanting to be here to continue taking care of my other children and husband. Somehow I have to continue living with this separation, until the day that I am called home or Jesus calls us into the air with Him.
 
I had never seen such a small casket before. No one should ever have to bury their baby/child. That is not the way God intended it to be. But I serve a God who knows this pain. Many people ask why God does not do something about the intense pain and suffering in this world. But He has! Through His son Jesus, we are saved. We are all on a sinking ship called sin – this world. Through Jesus’ selfless sacrifice, we are given the free opportunity to get into His lifeboat and not sink. But it is a choice and to not choose is in fact a choice!
 
Thanks to our amazing God and His perfect love, I will go to my sweet Abigail one day – because I have made a choice to enter into Jesus’ lifeboat. Our separation is a “see you later” not a “goodbye” and I praise God for that!
 
Despite the gut-wrenching pain and suffering our family has experienced; we give our praise to God because He is worthy. I encourage you to consider joining me in the lifeboat. It is truly the ONLY hope we have in this world.
 
I do not know what my blogs will look like moving forward. I will obviously at times address health but I want to leave room for the Holy Spirit to move. Before anything (being a wife, mom, healthcare provider, etc) I am a Christian and I want my life to always be dedicated to His will. So know that there is an intentionality founded in prayer and submission behind each blog.
 
Thank you all for your prayers, support, and patience.
 
Blessings,
Laura Churchman, CPNP, CTP, HHC
Founder of Healing from the Root

By: Laura Churchman, CPNP, CTP, HHC

It is almost time for Christmas!!! I hope you are all finding joy during this amazing time of year, celebrating the birth of Christ. God is teaching me a lot during this holiday season and I cannot wait to share with you!
 
This past year held many challenges which had our family in a constant state of transition. It has definitely felt like an uphill battle. As I prepare for all the holiday festivities, I am finding myself remembering a climb I did over the summer. The picture above is Saddle Back Mountain in Oregon. To put it into perspective, the little black speck at the top of the mountain is a person. It's not a major mountain climb for the experienced... but I am far from experienced. So, it was a big deal for me. I remember about 200 yards into the steep, uphill climb I was already lagging behind my super-fit friends thinking "what have I gotten myself into?" However, I am a very determined person. Sometimes this is a helpful quality but if it is not met with prayer and obedience, it can be downright stubbornness (just ask my husband). In this case, the determination was good. I needed to climb this mountain. I needed to feel every bit of burning pain, hear every doubt in my head, experience every moment where it got hard to breath so that I could overcome all of it.
 
We all have metaphorical mountains in front of us. At different points in time, the height of the mountains will vary but they are mountains, nonetheless. In the midst of climbing, we will exhibit different behaviors. These behaviors can be good or negative, short term or chronic - depending on the root cause. These behaviors are key to where we are with God during these trials. We tend to be very accepting in acknowledging when we are exhibiting good behaviors such as staying steadfast in prayer, focused on God, standing in His unexplainable peace - all which allow us to be calm in chaos, forgiving, and full of mercy and grace. But what about the negative behaviors? If you're anything like me, you may tend to ignore them, justify them, or even indulge in them.
 
The previous week was a very difficult one. There is a mountain I have been climbing for 15 years and the peek seems to be nowhere in sight. Like my climb this past summer, there have been great moments of overcoming and beautiful views as I climb this mountain, but endurance is key and many times I find myself getting weak and weary. In those moments, I realized I have had a trending negative behavior - lashing out in anger with hurtful words. The Lord really wanted me to work through this question, "why am I behaving this way?" This question brought me back to something a friend asked me once, "what lie from satan are you believing?"
 
While pondering these thoughts, I was challenged with another question, "where are my hope and expectations rooted?" Well, since I am a Christian, immediately I wanted to say that all my hope and expectations are rooted in Christ. But if I am being honest, there are times when they are not. The truth was that I was lashing out in anger and hurtful words because I was emotionally hurting. My hope and expectations were rooted in that mountain, not the Lord. This was a major breakthrough for me. What does it mean if our hope and expectations are in the Lord? It means, that with a childlike faith, we look upon Him as our provider, comforter, healer, source of strength, you name it. So then, our hope and expectations are not in our jobs, spouse, shelter, or any other circumstance. Do you see? This is why we can have peace about our finances when we are between jobs. This is why we can be calm when the world around us seems to be falling. This is why we can have strength when the world would expect us to be weak and weary. Christ. Is. Why. Jesus changes everything.
 
The Holy Bible says that satan is a deceiver and liar (2 Cor. 11:3, John 8:44). It also says that, "...the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one." (1 Thes. 3:3). "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10).
 
satan wants to destroy you.
 
God wants to give you life.
 
Often, negative behaviors can have negative effects on our health. Overtime, this will affect our overall wellness and quality of life. This is why this is a topic that we must humbly address. If we do not deal with the root cause of the behaviors we are exhibiting, we will not be able to truly overcome them. The negative behaviors will continue, and we will ultimately see the effects it will have on our health and relationship with God. There are multiple reasons behind certain behaviors. For example, sometimes dietary cravings are linked to actual deficiencies in our bodies. However, we cannot afford to deny emotional roots without truly evaluating the situation.
 
The point is this: our physical health is directly related to our mental, emotional, and spiritual health.
 
So, I humbly encourage you to take a minute and evaluate your life. What negative behaviors have you been exhibiting lately? What lies from satan are at the root of those behaviors? What truths does God say in regard to those lies? Mediate on those truths. Pray for the Lord to bring you out of negative behaviors and into His light. He is always faithful, my friend. Always.
 
Blessings,
Laura Churchman, CPNP, CTP, HHC
Founder of Healing from the Root

By: Laura Churchman, CPNP, CTP, HHC

Welcome! My name is Laura Churchman.  I am so excited to start this blog! I am a Christian, called by God into the medical field. I have seen and learned so much in the last decade and the one thing I know for sure is that more than anything else, I want to follow Jesus Christ. So, I am a Christian before I am any of the alphabet soup of letters after my name. Healthcare as it pertains to Christianity​ is a strong conviction that the Lord has placed on my heart. For years I have been praying about how to incorporate this conviction into my profession. I felt God was calling me to do/offer more than just being loving and kind to those I encountered, but I did not know what. After years of praying for His provisions and guidance, God opened the door for my practice, Healing from the Root.

My prayer is that the Lord would have His way with this practice. It is such a blessing to me to have the opportunity to serve in this capacity. My heart's desire is that I would be a vessel for the Holy Spirit to speak to His people about their health. That with the knowledge the Lord has taught me in my Christian walk, schooling, and life, He will bless others through me. As a Christian medical provider, I am here to help educate, guide, encourage, pray and fast with my fellow Christians as I walk with them through their healthcare needs and questions.​

I would like to share with you the details about the conviction I mentioned above. It rocked my world when the Lord convicted me. There was a lot I realized I needed to allow the Holy Spirit to change in me. I had to decide, do I address the Nineveh within or end up in the belly of a whale? (Come on, that was a good Bible reference!) Lol, I have to keep a sense of humor. This is a hard message to give, hear, and receive. Transformation processes with the Lord are ongoing, therefore grace for ourselves and others is needed as we will not meet perfection this side of Heaven. I am a testimony to the fact that what I am about to discuss with you will not lead to an easy path, but it is so worth it! Trust the process. The Lord is always faithful.

There is no judgement. We are not perfect. We make mistakes. We are sinners. But above all that, we are saved, we are loved, and we are children of the one and only God!  I am committed to following His lead. So here I am, ready and willing to serve. Now let me quit rambling and get to the story :) 

As He often does, God convicted me through His word. Here is the first verse He spoke to me:​

Mike drop.

​Now bear with me while we unpack this together... 

First, think about it, what an experience that must have been, being in the presence of the Lord, standing on holy ground!? It is hard to imagine what that might have been like. In the midst of me diving deeper into this thought, I felt the Lord speaking to me, "you are holy ground. My Holy Spirit dwells within you." I had been a Christian for several years at this point and never viewed myself as holy ground. How could I? I knew all the sins I committed? But wait... Jesus washes our sins away. (1John 1:7) They are thrown into the sea of forgetfulness. (Micah 7:19) Now, we can move forward. I knew the Bible addressed the Holy Spirit dwelling in us, but for some reason that did not convert in my head to my body being holy ground. Like many Christians, I have referred to my body being a temple without really understanding the magnitude of that statement. 

​Really, lets take a second to think about that. Where else in the Bible do we see the Holy Spirit dwelling?  What about the Tabernacle in the most Holy place? This was where God dwelt with his people (Exodus 25:22). How careful did Moses have to be in following such specific instructions to build the Tabernacle? (Exodus 25-27) Who could enter the most Holy place and how often? (Hebrews 9:7) And what about the Ark of the Covenant?! Have you read 2 Samuel 6? Out of good intentions Uzzah tried to steady the Ark but unbeknownst to him, there was a specific way to handle the Ark (Exodus 25:13-14) and the anger of the Lord came upon him.

Clearly, holy ground is to be revered and respected. What is the honest answer for each of us when we evaluate how we treat our temple? Our perfect God does not expect perfection from us but He faithfully perfects us if we allow Him to. It takes an active role on our end to respond with obedience. Obedience for each of us might look different as what tempts each us is different. Some acts of obedience may look the same. The first act is to pray to the Lord to reveal areas in which we are not honoring His temple and respond with humility and repentance. Next, we pray for His guidance as we strive to do better.  

 Without judgement, I am here to help. Are you ready to start cleaning up your temple?